feeling discouraged...

[clementine]

Just to share my acne experience... I only started getting acne when I went to away to university and it has been a constant struggle for me ever since with my self- esteem, self-consciousness, trying out different birth controls and so many cosmetic products I can't even count. It caused a downward spiral for me into depression and social anxiety, to the point where if I had 1 pimple I obsessed about it and couldn't think about anything else all day. I went away to Africa and my depression increased to the point where I stopped eating altogether (except for the odd fruit and bites of random dishes).

It was at this time that the acne went away, much to my surprise, and it set me on a dangerous path of not eating out of fear that I would break out and the realization that the only way I could have clear skin was by not eating barely anything at all. I went down to 75 pounds. I know it sounds crazy, but I developed such a paranoia about it, and somehow I thought that my body was healthier that way and it showed because I wasn't breaking out at all (I had perfect skin for the first time in 3 years). I realize that there are so much more important things in life, and also that acne is such a superficial ailment in comparison to everything else out there in the world, so why does it eat away at the self-esteem so much and taint everything that I do?

After I went below 80 pounds my family staged an intervention and I myself realized how much I was endangering my health. Since then I have tried out millions of different diets, trying to see what works best for my skin, but nothing has really seemed to work until I stumbled upon the Wai site. Initially on Wai my concerns were mostly socially-based, by I have since gotten over that and feel comfortable speaking openly about my eating habits- my friends and family accept it since they see that I am staying at a reasonable weight (I'm 5'3, around 100 pounds now). The only thing is that it is hard for me to judge whether my skin is improving and I feel discouraged because in the past week my forehead and chin areas have been broken out (due to stress/ suntanning/ something I'm eating?!) and I have been focusing so much on how I'm eating that I don't know how this could be.

I think I have been keeping my blood sugar stable, because every 30 mins. - 1 hour I eat 1 piece of fruit with a spoonful of olive oil, then midday I have the salad (1 avocado, 1 tomato, 1 cucumber), then fruits again each hour, then the salad again for dinner. About 2 hours after the salad I have 1 egg yolk. If the egg is not organic, or the chicken is grain-fed, could this be bad for the skin? Is it ok to go to bed right after eating the egg yolk or is it necessary to stay awake?

I'm sorry to fixate so much on this, I am working on reaching a state of inner peace where my mood is not based on whether or not my skin is 'good' (relatively speaking of course- its never really 'good'!) but I almost feel as if I am waiting for my life to start again once my skin clears up. I'm too embarrassed to date, because I don't like to be seen without makeup on and when I go swimming, I always try to swim on my back or else I have to keep my head out of the water so that the cover up doesn't come off. I feel like a prisoner to my acne... . I really want this diet to work, because I like it and I do feel healthier on it, but I need some encouragement because I have been on it for about 6 weeks now and although at times it seemed to be getting so much better, other times it seems a bit worse.

Reading through the forum is one of the most helpful things, both psychologically and for the sake of learning new information that can help the problem of acne. I have definitely been spending way too much time on it lately, but it does help to ease my worries in the belief that one day I may be able to have clear skin again.

[MariaLinn]

Oh Clementine, thats just heartaching for me to read because it is so similar to how my situation was some time ago. I can relate so much to that pain youre feeling that exact type of pain that makes you feel so cut off from other people and the world in a way because they can never understand how one can suffer this much from 'some skinproblems' (as they call it). I wanna share this because a story like this would have made me feel atleast a tiny bit less down when I was feeling most discouraged...

When I was in my early teens my first breakouts came and it made me go from an outgoing girl who loved life to extreeeemly depressed. So I got Accutane and after that had cleared my acne I bloomed out again to be the happy girl I used to be and it lasted untill I was about 16 or so and by then I was in school and I had new breakouts all over my chin, cheeks and everywhere, and this made me fall head first down into my depression again, deeper this time. Just like you I couldnt eat, lost ALOT of weight, couldnt hang out with friends, look people in the eyes, be happy or anything. It made me so depressed to the point that I dropped out of school and with that started eating even less, my diet could be like 3 apples in one day only, I was apathic and my parents wanted me to go to schrinks and I did one time. She took one look at me and said 'so you have some acne big deal'. Need I say I never went back? I was now at home no job no school stopped talking to all my friends and was just angry at everyone. This insanity increased to the point that i never even left the house anymore. I then even started to avoid my family and relatives as well. This may sound sick, and it was, but I lived like that in my room for FOUR years! Four years of just sitting in my room with the tv, not talkning to anyone only my parents sometimes when they came home from work. Totally fucked up right? It just makes me wanna cry when I think about it, so hard for people to understand and still so easy for me to feel that pain again just by thinking back on it. And I dont wish that type of depression on my worst enemy, its hell...

Anyways finally I made it to the dermatologist at age 20, the first thing she said was that i was extremly pale for it beeing summertime. (Yes thats what 4 years of no sunlight does to you) She then prescribed antibiotics that worked for 2 years, and my acne cleared and my life came back and it was so amazing, that outgoing happy girl full of energy who I thought had died years ago was back and friends, interests, boyfriend, school/job and everything just filled my life up again.

I later went back to the dermatologist and got another kind of antibiotics wich kept me clear until last year, I was now immune to all antibiotics and accutane was my only last choice to stay clear... But right that day before I was supposed to go to the dermo for accutane I found this wonderful website. I was amazed how much wellbeeing this food gave me and with no doubt I would live this way for the rest of my life for that reason alone. However you and I are kind of in the same boat now. Even though my skin did clear up within the first two weeks it refuses to stay clear if I excercise, something ive found I just cant live without so I definatly share your feeling of discouragement. I think however definatly your problem will be solved if you can get more protein. Because if I didnt missread you you only get 1 or 2 yolks a day? I break out if I go below 80grams of yolk a day so trying to up them, or fish, I think that can fix your problem. And also try eating the yolk right after a banana or an avocado or something because if you wait an hour your bloodsugar will go down and yolk wont stabilize that at all, and since you cant eat for 2 hrs after the yolk that makes it 3 hrs without sugars. If you dont zipp juice after the yolk that is. Try fixing this and see what happens.

Your life will definatly start again when your skin clears, you will be so much happier then you have ever been because you will have this new found value of life. You will live in the moment much more than before and have more wellbeeing than others who never experienced how fragile wellbeeing can be. Just hang in there and keep fighting this!

[RRM]

Most people here know what you are talking about; we have been there...
We understand.

I feel discouraged because in the past week my forehead and chin areas have been broken out

There are so many things that can go wrong, so that for most people the success is not immediate.

I think I have been keeping my blood sugar stable, because every 30 mins. - 1 hour I eat 1 piece of fruit with a spoonful of olive oil,

That on itself doesnt mean much. Keeping your blood sugar at the right level is a very delicate issue; its so easy to get out of balance.
So, you will need to learn to listen to your blood sugar level. That may sound weird, or difficult, but in fact, its very easy, once you never forget to listen. Its all about remaining in contact with your energy level; how energetic do i feel?
When you feel a little less energetic, you need to take in a little energy.
By listeneing it gets easier.
Its not just important to ingest enough energy, but as MariaLinn pointed out, its also essential to ingest enough protein as well... One egg yolk is certainly not enough; you may need 3 to 5 minimally.

If the egg is not organic, or the chicken is grain-fed, could this be bad for the skin?

No.

Is it ok to go to bed right after eating the egg yolk or is it necessary to stay awake?

Its ok.

I'm sorry to fixate so much on this,

dont be, as in this case that will help you. Im very sure that once your skin is clear and you can eat enough, you will reach a state of inner peace.

I'm too embarrassed to date,

I know what you mean. We live in a world where looking good and feeling good is essential. With acne on my face i dont feel as confident.

I have definitely been spending way too much time on it lately, but it does help to ease my worries in the belief that one day I may be able to have clear skin again.

So, its not too much.
Can you please make a list of everything that you eat in one day?