dilemma; acne and worrying

Spots, zits, pimples, cysts, etc.
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RRM
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Post by RRM »

candela wrote:i am taking zoloft for anxiety and ocd and depression
Zoloft interferes with water metabolism; some people start retaining much water when taking zoloft. So, zoloft readily may cause acne...
Corinne
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Post by Corinne »

Thanks Candela for your open and honest posts.
I can only encourage you to continue on the path you have started as this diet is wonderfull and there are so many things yet that can improve.
The running is of least concern and if it makes you feel good, do it! Just make sure you run far away from the time(s) you eat protein.
The running is more a concern if you want to loose weght or get rid of cellulite, then walking is better.
:)
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Post by nick »

Candela,

Did you notice that when you started taking or sometime after taking zoloft that you started to get these breakouts?
candela
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Post by candela »

maybe i should be self conscious about how long my posts are, or maybe i should just not worry about it.

what RRM said about zoloft made a lot of sense because i'd stopped taking it a week before my first week of wai in an attempt to eliminate the last of my unecessary dependencies altogether. i started taking zoloft mainly because i obsessed so much about my skin and had severe social anxiety.

i felt amazing during that first week, having so much excitement and energy, feeling so like myself again. my skin was glowing and i was emphatic about living.

but when a (tiny) pimple appeared, i started to obsess about it. perhaps in withdrawal from my meds i spiralled into a dark fixation; i associated feeling good with looking good. indeed, the two are linked but one causes the other and is not because of it.

i became paralyzed with fear and panic at the thought of never being cured. there were times a few months ago that i really though of suicide. this admission is more shameful to me than having a skin problem.

so i again took zoloft on tuesday of last week. which has only numbed my mood, thinned my personality, and is probably part of the reason i afterwards began to break out. of course i had skin problems before the meds, but again my diet was poor and there was tremendous stress last year. i smoked cigarettes, drank insane amounts of caffeine, starved...

when i'm not taking medication, everything is heightened for me constantly. movement, presence, placement, details. i have synesthesia (out of craziness?) which lets me see sounds in addition to feeling them in my veins. on the medicine i am less amazed so much at that phenomenon, for example. of course i'm more 'stable' with them.

but if the reason for my stupid depression and soxial anxiety was rooted to my skin, it seems unfair to let it rob me of my personality in having to take medication. obsessiveness, i have dealth in the past so much more productively with.

that said, i have decided to try to give up zoloft one more time. posting and readng the thread has made me realize a lot. for one thing, the diet is very good for the soul, with the life zest and all. secondly, if i became less expecting in general i would *feel* better. more than looking better, i want to think better. but having to be conscious of being looked back at detracts so much from being in awe of everything.

the withdrawals from the meds will be pretty insane and rough. but something tells me that if i ever want to feel like myself again, adding what i've learned from this journey, i've got to stop taking them.

i'll keep you posted on how it goes.
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Post by Oscar »

Go for it! :)

Trust life, trust yourself, trust the diet, and you will be fine. :D

And there's no reason to worry about the length of your posts. They aren't that long anyway. :)
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Post by nick »

candela wrote: when i'm not taking medication, everything is heightened for me constantly. movement, presence, placement, details. i have synesthesia (out of craziness?) which lets me see sounds in addition to feeling them in my veins. on the medicine i am less amazed so much at that phenomenon, for example. of course i'm more 'stable' with them.
WOW!
Have you heard of the band Silverchair?
Their lead singer, Daniel Johns, has similar personality characteristics that you do: social anxiety, depression and extreme sensitivity such as synesthesia. He is an amazing musician and songwriter and I wonder if you play music too?

I have noticed an increase in these areas of my personality since being on this diet.

Let us know and best of luck candela!
candela
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Post by candela »

the music feels already different today, believe it or not. a dvorak symphony played on the radio in the car earlier; some new hero madcap though i couldn't say the number what.

the music, now playing, lulabyes your pulse indiscriminately, flowing inside and undreneath your skin although you would not say you feel exactly as you used to, before everything, before zoloft, when once you stared at music until its waves made you dizzy, your eyes slopped so wide open that your tears streamed and stung, but you made yourself numb to it because the spiderwaves, the matrixes, like heat waves of changing color, beated on everything.

used to lay on the ground under the speakers and listen, would watch it funnel accross and above you, special effects like, as in the movies, just you alone and all the mysticsm you were hearing and in feeling, believing.

could you say music responsible also for our written words? how otherwise would we still have homer's songs to sing. in the west we first wrote music to remember and repeat what we sung out to god.

but i don't know that much about it.

today, on wai, withdrawing and here, the sound whirs in a circle, shadows still and always behind themselves, strobing, hard to explain, blazing over everything and i resent that the word 'pulse' is the one i always itch for and cannot resist resorting to.

yes it's amazing sometimes, but not as when you're not on zoloft or coming off of it. it began after you started using your left hand and using welbutrin. weird. it never went away, although the voices did finally after you stopped taking meds for a year.

now you lack the full emotional contact with it, still having the enamel on your brain meant to keep your soul from bouncing too with its intenstivenessess. everyone always says you are so sensitive.

i remember there was more often intensive good, so often happy and looking forward, in disbelief and feeling good so good enough to die, so often at peace. without pressure of having to make or do something and doing it anyway while you could, as an ode.

you were not manic, but sustained. maybe because there was more music in your life then. and equally your sadness cut deep, infrequent, and always out of indulgent. you know what i mean.

it makes no sense in dwelling that way now, although i can't lie and say i feel like i'm myself again who i know is inside because, obvious. writing makes you breathe easier though.

is it wrong to eat two avocadoes in a single salad?
nick
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Post by nick »

You can eat as many as you want.
candela
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worsening?

Post by candela »

is it too early to post, if you're panicked?

i was feeling so much more hopeful before, the forum helped so much you don't know.

it's been a week since i stopped taking zoloft and the inflamations that were there then have now disappeared, only to be replaced by two new ones and little tiny red spots all over the place where i never broke out before. compared to now, my problem was mild before (and during) zoloft and the diet. while i still broke out while i was only raw, it wasn't this bad. i left cheek is swollen red with an inflamation that has been there for two days and looks like it'll only get worse before it will go away. will that keep happening on this diet?

withdrawing from the meds which i've been on since feb. is starting to take its toll on me, especially because of my skin right now. it's hard to be in the grocery.

i smoked cigarettes all weekend, a relapse after i had done so well. i started over on monday but the cravings are much worse now.

i've never broken out like this in so many places at once. and it seems like there were five days on the diet (before i resumed taking zoloft) where everything looked like it was unquestionably healing.

it takes 72 hours for the meds to be completely out of your blood stream. should i have started the two week count all over after i stopped taking them, or 72 hours after? like i said, i saw a *big* imprvement the first time when i had been off my medicine for over a week.

wai says that this diet won't make your skin worse but how does that explain this? the small red bumps look almost like a rash and like i said it looks worse than when i was eating only raw. is it going to last forever? has this diet ruined my skin?

i said before that i don't want to think about it anymore, that i want to use my efforts for better things and am having a hard time coping with the onset of this defect. now i have funnelled myself into a hole, but it does help to be able at least to ask questions about it.

just for example, today's diet. i'm a female, 5'2, 98 lbs.

10 am grapefruit, 2 tablespoons oil.

11:30 banana, 1 tablespoon oil.

1:10 orange, 1 tablespoon oil.

2:10 apple, 1 tablespoon oil.

3:10 apple, 1 tablespoon oil.

4:10 grapefruit, 2 tablespoons oil.

6:30 tac salad (2 cucumbers, 2 tomatoes, one avocado, lots of ev fcp organic olive oil).

11:25 maybe some fruit and oil or another salad (i just realized i was hungry)

2:00 3 egg yolks before sleeping.

thanks, candela.
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Post by huntress »

the small red bumps look almost like a rash and like i said it looks worse than when i was eating only raw. is it going to last forever? has this diet ruined my skin?
Candela, I had the same symptoms you're having right now when I first started the diet. Can I can say that is the same for many people too. What I can promise you is that it WILL NOT last forever. Think of it as just an initial stage towards a clear skin. This diet did not 'purposefully' ruined your skin.
And it is best that you do not put your mind to thinking about your skin all the time. It would only put you into a wreck because to obtain a clear skin will take time, and by being oblivious about it 'speeds' up and the next thing you know, you'll find your skin clearer. So hang in there candela.
candela
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Post by candela »

huntress, thanks so so much for that. :D
andyville
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Post by andyville »

candela:

I don't know how to fight acne specifically, but these are som adjustments to the Wai diet that I have found helpful myself (I'm not a huge fan of fighting specific symptoms, but trying to keep the whole system healthy).
Personally, I drink a lot of water and only eat foods that you do not have to chew, in other words juices and egg yolks; I used to have minor digestive problems from time to time, but not anymore. I also stay away from nuts and olive oil and only eat some coconut oil (or coconut fat, the oil is in fact solid when stored in the fridge) every time that I drink some juice. the only animal food I eat is egg yolks

You seem to have some serious problems dealing with your general situation in life. I used to be under a lot of stress too, believe me, but until I found out about Vipassana meditation about half a year ago, things have slowly started to change. I guess I am a very skeptical person, so obviously I had to overcome some serious doubt before accepting the philosophy, but now that I have come some way I am starting to experience the benefits (I guess I went through the same phases with the Wai diet - ignorance, acceptance, experience of benefits, or "experience of truth" as The Buddha would have put it). I know I should not discuss Vipassana too much on these boards, since these discussions are primarily about the Wai diet, but let me just tell you this; you seem to let craving and aversion run your life, which is like getting behind the wheel of a car blindfolded. Vipassana can help with this. If you're interested, read "The art of living" (Hart) where the basic concepts of the philosophy are described.

I wish you the best of luck.

<rrm>This post has been edited regarding giving advice</rrm>
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Post by sabie »

Hi Candela, ah, since everything is relative if you could see my face right now you would feel great about yours!! lolol (I caused this current full face breakout though, not Wai).
But, when I first started Wai in December I had lovely clear skin (but 9 years previously had oily, often uneven skin with some mild acne then took a drug and my skin was clear after that). About 2 weeks in I started breaking out in a way that concerned me and it didn't stop. I then went on the sample diet but my skin was very funny, things that had used to happen before I took the skin drug started happening again. My panicky posts are there as a testament to my dismay and obsessive thinking and behaviour. I knew though that I would never be able to go back to the day before I found Wai,. I had been on a journey searching for truth for many years and Wai was like another big piece of the puzzle ( I was already eating a very restricted diet). I have been learning a lot from all my misadventures on this in the past months but I'm still struggling.
Your posts are great, they seem to be stream of thought so I picked up your feelings. It may be difficult for some people to understand the feelings that lead you to fixating on a few pimples. Since I deal with depression, ADHD, eating disorder, anxiety...I know how frustrating it is. I was also advised to go off my meds and I did but eventually went back on a lower dose (and not every day). This because I couldn't stay on the strict diet back in April as I had lost my appetite and I was scared I lost so much weight. So I started eating nuts and some much food and gained too much weight of course. lol
I believe that self esteem issues are the only reason a person fixates on a minor problem they have to the point of self hatred and sorry, but that's a childhood thing and deep seated. Damage. That's why you can be such a lovely, interesting, smart and thoughtful person and still obsess over a pimple. It's like a big deep scratch on the side an otherwise perfect new car. Looks great depending on what angle you look at it from. I am still amazed at how people can’t make the simple connection between their parenting and how their children function when they grow up. I think meditation is supposed to be one of the best ways of "repairing" childhood damage, we can change the size of our frontal lobes.
If you live in North America there is also the culture of "beauty" which might drive someone who is a perfectionist over the edge.
I've been off the board for months as I never know when to stop (see, this post!) and I needed to do computer work for my job but I've been reading the past few days and I am so impressed, as ever! I was only ever on one personal forum before this (lots of tech ones) so my experience is limited but the people on this board are fabulous. They are smart, kind, open minded and they don't judge. I got help from many people and when you have a mental health issue that’s a huge help. Depression makes it hard to make decisions etc. so eating this way can be a struggle on that level. Reading old posts are great as you began to get the wider picture. This is really not a way of eating; it is a way of living as others on the forum have said and so for some of us the transition is tougher. And, I know this will sound like the same old same old but who wants a boyfriend that doesn't like you cause you got a few pimples!
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Post by avo »

I just want to say that, word for word, your first paragraphs are exactly what happened to me. Only now, 2 months after starting Wai, has my skin really cleared. Stick with it, de-stress and relax, and enjoy your food.
candela
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Post by candela »

Hi friends,

I'm back from Vegas now and guess what? I got married. It was an amazing day and a really spur of the moment, simple wedding. It was amazing to me that my (then) boyfriend really felt the exact same way about me as I did about him, even despite everything I've been going through during the past year. It takes a lot of pressure off of things.

My skin is beginning to look much, much better- so much so in fact that I have to try not to look at it and get my hopes up. Maybe my breakout was caused by the stress, the heat, maybe not eating often enough...but maybe too it was the fact that I was eating 3 oz of salmon a day for 3 days straight (someone guestimated the conversion of grams to ounces, but I checked it later and found that it was wrong). I still haven't quit smoking yet, because I'm about to start grad school and don't want to over stress myself. I will, I will, I will, though.

I saw a message on the old board concerning mangoes shipped to the US and how they are heat treated, rendering them unacceptable to the diet. It got me to thinking about avocadoes and how the only ones I can get are those which are shipped from Mexico. Perhaps they undergo the same treatment? I found this site: http://www.epa.gov/Ozone/mbr/casestudie ... tcom2.html which was pretty discouraging.

When I talked to my husband about this, he became concerned that I'd cut avocadoes out too. So I agreed to wait and see if I broke out again before making any more changes.

I have to say that it was really meaningful to read the replies to what I posted while I was gone, even though I couldn't respond at the time. I won't be giving up any time soon, and I'm always amazed at the amount of support and understanding that freely flows in this blessed space.

Sending out my joy and love,
Candela
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